We are going to West Des Moines this weekend to visit family. Mostly to see my grandpa Gail. I really can't write enough about him, he is like no other person I know. Very special man. I am, however, at this very moment realizing that when we introduce Steeven to grandpa we will not be doing the same with my dear grandma Rachel. She passed away last summer and one of the things that pained me the most is that she would never be able to get to know my new son, her new grandson.
Oh my goodness how hard this is, it really just hit me. Why does God allow this stuff to hit me when I really should be finishing up getting ready for this trip? If I don't write it down it will leave me and it needs to be expressed. I need this good cry so that, hopefully, I don't loose it in front of my grandpa. Who am I kidding, the two of us will probably loose it together. He is an emotional man, I so love that about him. Even though it makes me cry just seeing him crying, what a cycle.
My grandparents were like second parents to me, so we have a very strong emotional bond. Because I live a good distance away I don't think I have ever fully mourned the passing of my grandma. Life gets in the way and sometimes I just don't take the time, like I am now, when feelings come to deal with them. I am a stuffer! You know, when bad feelings come just stuff them down and move on. The problem with that, I am finding, is that they keep coming back, ugh!
So, this trip will be a hard one, I am just realizing. I in no way have prepared myself for this, as I was expecting just another trip.
*Side note, I have a little haitian boy yelling, "Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Batman" as he is walking around the livingroom.
I guess this snaps me back to reality and it is time for me to finish getting ready for this trip. I am glad I got this out, the tears have stopped for now. I look like a mess with swollen eyes and a red face, oh well, it's a long trip so my face will clear up before we get there!
How did the trip go, Kristi? I'm sure all went smoothly and it was a memorable time together with your family.
ReplyDeleteI love when you call Steeven your little haitian boy! Makes me giggle, cause I can hear the love and giddy-ness in your "voice". Love it!
The trip was interesting, Carter was throwing up all day Saturday! We did have a good time though. Grandpa was very emotional, even was crying on Sunday when he didn't think we were coming to see him before we left. He is very forgetful now and even though my dad told him Sunday morning that we would be there he forgot. I just hate to see him that way. He is sad being in the nursing home, but is being well cared for. It was so nice to see Steeven with him, they are both very loving and they hugged each other a lot. He made the comment, many times, that I had a wonderful family and everyone was getting so big. I can't help but think that he was wishing my grandma could be there to see all of them. I didn't even bring it up, too painful for both of us I guess.
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