Well it has been a little while since I typed anything for this bog, so here is a little summary of what has been happening in the last month.
I have gotten a little frustrated with the lack of progress with Carter's medical issue. When we first met with his specialist over a year ago I never imagined we would still be dealing with it. His colon has been shrinking, but I am not fully convinced we are doing everything we can. Adjusting meds off and on is not my idea of the right "fix", but I did not go to medical school.
Next thing. Steeven still has diarrhea, yes still. I'm not sure how many foods we need to cut out of our diet, but I am craving food! Actually we eat pretty good, but I think it is the lack of flexibility I miss. I took both boys to a Naturopathic doctor and at that point Steeven had been off of dairy for a while and we as a family had been off of gluten for almost a week. So we get some supplements for the boys and are told to cut out Dairy, Egg and Gluten for two weeks and see what happens. The idea is we can get our systems cleaned out and then slowly add each item back and see how it effects us. Oh no problem I thought, we can do this. Two weeks will be over before I know it! That is so not how it has gone.
My precious, humble, giving, adorable, loving grandfather had finally had enough here on earth. He longed to be with my grandma since July when she passed away. We took the kids down at Easter time so he could meet Steeven. It was a good trip and we got lots of pictures to remember it by. Then we got a call saying he was not doing well and we should come to see him soon. We did. It was a very busy weekend for him, he had a lot of visitors. I got to spend time with him and the kids got to talk with him, I thought it went well. I could tell he was very ill, but I thought we would have a little more time. We got home on a Sunday evening and I got a phone call Monday morning at 7:20 saying he had passed away that morning. You would think I was a basket case, not so. I will tell you that I am a stuffer, yes a stuffer. For those of you who do not know what it is allow me to enlighten you. A stuffer is someone who can stuff their feelings down inside to a point where they are very hard to get out. Why would I do this, well I think it was modeled for me, so it is what I know. I did it at this particular time because my kids were right there with me and I knew what would happen if I broke down right before school, not good. That entire day was busy,as is everyday, but I kept thinking, "Will I be able to feel what I need to, can I get back the feeling that I just stuffed". Well thankfully I have this time. This was one of the biggest losses in my life. I was very close to my grandma as well, but I think it was different when I lost her because there was still one of the pair left, you know? Someone to still tell their stories, to chat with about what it was like when they helped my dad to raise me and my brother. It was just different. I am blessed to have had the most wonderful grandparents in the world.
Another thing that ahs been happening si with Steeven. He has, since February, had 3 episodes where he goes limp and his eyes roll back in his head. Very scary for all of us. The last time it happened was when were traveling for the funeral. When we got back home I called his doctor and we are now scheduled to see a Pediatric Neurologist on Wednesday. I am very curious as to what will happen at this appointment and very hopeful.
So that is what has been happening at our house in the past month. Oh, I forgot to mention school, baseball, softball, work, extra work for Wade and on and on. Such is life, but I am eagerly anticipating a slow down for some of these things and answers for our health issues.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
No Place Else I Would Rather Be
I have to admit that I have been thinking about how long it will be before Steeven will not need/want me or Wade to stay in his room until he falls asleep. He does share a room with Carter so I feel better knowing he is not alone, but still I wonder how long?
It is true that most of the time what I am thinking about is what else needs to be done while I sit on the floor on the boys' room, or what might be on television. I won't lie, I have tried to leave after kissing them good night or even sneak out while they are still awake. Neither usually work.
Tonight started out the same way. Wade is working so I am putting the four to bed, no big deal. I am brushing Steeven's teeth as I am giving the girls instructions, "I am getting your brother ready for bed so you need to also get ready and then if I am not back down before you are done then read." I come upstairs with Steeven and help Carter finish in the bathroom then tell him something similar, "Go downstairs and brush your teeth then come back up for bed." Bless his little heart as he tries to get to stay up longer, "If Steeven isn't asleep yet should I still come in or just wait?" Gotta love him! "I think it would be just fine for you to come on in so you can get to bed too." So I tuck Steeven in and give him lots of kisses then say goodnight and walk out of the room. As I am leaving he says "sit" in Haitian, as I continue my walk he is letting me know this is not what he wants, so I say, "Do you want mommy to sit?", "Yes, sit.", what can I say to that right? So I sit, I have made progress from laying in his bed to sitting beside his bed to where I sit now, right by the door. All he really wants is to know that I am there, he is totally fine with me being on the other side of the room now, I mean really he can't even see me, just a blob of me without his glasses on. Now, Wade is another story. Most nights Wade has to either be in bed with him or be touching him in some way, go figure. Anyway, as I am sitting by the door Carter comes and so I tuck him in and give both boys more kisses and say goodnight, I dont' even try to leave this time, just assume my post again. This time while I was sitting I felt God telling me, "What could be more important than this?".
What could be more important than this? That is a good question, especially for a "busy" person like myself. I think I need to be doing something all the time, checking off my list, getting things done, etc, etc, etc. It's not just at night, but all day long really. I guess it is the draw back to working at home, all kinds of things surround me. Clean there, rearrange this, finish that, laundry, dishes, blah, blah, blah. Oh you are at home so you have time to........ Really, in my heart of hearts, what I deep down want to be doing is spending time with Steeven like I did my other kids, not caring for other people's kids at the same time. I have great kids at daycare, don't get me wrong, but he has never really had quality time with me like he deserves. Does he know that this is his house and his toys and his food and his family and it just happens that other kids come Mon-Fri so mommy can earn money? Jordyn, Abby and Carter do, but does Steeven? Well, this is a tangent I didn't know I would get on, sounds like it could be a post in itself.
So, getting back on track, God really made me think tonight. Why are other things so important, why do I need to check off my list and move on to the next thing? Until Steeven fell asleep I just sat there looking at the two boys, my two boys, knowing that there was no place else I wanted to be at that very moment.
I was going to end there, but then the girls did something that made me smile so of course I have to share it!
After the boys were asleep I went back downstairs to the girls' rooms. Here they both sit in Jordyn's room looking through American Girl magazines just talking away to each other. When I tell them it is time for bed Jordyn says, "I wish Abby could sleep in here tonight". So I said, "That's fine" and Jordyn smiles from ear to ear. "Oh this is so exciting, this is awesome, it'll be great, oh I should go help Abby bring her stuff in." Wow, if this is all it takes to get them this excited I have got it made, for now anyway. I remember having sleepovers with my friends when I was young, especially Amy, and we would talk forever. I just had brothers, but my girls have each other and that is so wonderful. Abby said the other day that a kid in her class was lucky because he was the only kid at his house and Jordyn said, "That would be boring", then Abby agrees and they start playing together.
I just think it is great that God lets me see that they really do love each other and having them this close together hasn't messed them up too bad, ha ha.
It is true that most of the time what I am thinking about is what else needs to be done while I sit on the floor on the boys' room, or what might be on television. I won't lie, I have tried to leave after kissing them good night or even sneak out while they are still awake. Neither usually work.
Tonight started out the same way. Wade is working so I am putting the four to bed, no big deal. I am brushing Steeven's teeth as I am giving the girls instructions, "I am getting your brother ready for bed so you need to also get ready and then if I am not back down before you are done then read." I come upstairs with Steeven and help Carter finish in the bathroom then tell him something similar, "Go downstairs and brush your teeth then come back up for bed." Bless his little heart as he tries to get to stay up longer, "If Steeven isn't asleep yet should I still come in or just wait?" Gotta love him! "I think it would be just fine for you to come on in so you can get to bed too." So I tuck Steeven in and give him lots of kisses then say goodnight and walk out of the room. As I am leaving he says "sit" in Haitian, as I continue my walk he is letting me know this is not what he wants, so I say, "Do you want mommy to sit?", "Yes, sit.", what can I say to that right? So I sit, I have made progress from laying in his bed to sitting beside his bed to where I sit now, right by the door. All he really wants is to know that I am there, he is totally fine with me being on the other side of the room now, I mean really he can't even see me, just a blob of me without his glasses on. Now, Wade is another story. Most nights Wade has to either be in bed with him or be touching him in some way, go figure. Anyway, as I am sitting by the door Carter comes and so I tuck him in and give both boys more kisses and say goodnight, I dont' even try to leave this time, just assume my post again. This time while I was sitting I felt God telling me, "What could be more important than this?".
What could be more important than this? That is a good question, especially for a "busy" person like myself. I think I need to be doing something all the time, checking off my list, getting things done, etc, etc, etc. It's not just at night, but all day long really. I guess it is the draw back to working at home, all kinds of things surround me. Clean there, rearrange this, finish that, laundry, dishes, blah, blah, blah. Oh you are at home so you have time to........ Really, in my heart of hearts, what I deep down want to be doing is spending time with Steeven like I did my other kids, not caring for other people's kids at the same time. I have great kids at daycare, don't get me wrong, but he has never really had quality time with me like he deserves. Does he know that this is his house and his toys and his food and his family and it just happens that other kids come Mon-Fri so mommy can earn money? Jordyn, Abby and Carter do, but does Steeven? Well, this is a tangent I didn't know I would get on, sounds like it could be a post in itself.
So, getting back on track, God really made me think tonight. Why are other things so important, why do I need to check off my list and move on to the next thing? Until Steeven fell asleep I just sat there looking at the two boys, my two boys, knowing that there was no place else I wanted to be at that very moment.
I was going to end there, but then the girls did something that made me smile so of course I have to share it!
After the boys were asleep I went back downstairs to the girls' rooms. Here they both sit in Jordyn's room looking through American Girl magazines just talking away to each other. When I tell them it is time for bed Jordyn says, "I wish Abby could sleep in here tonight". So I said, "That's fine" and Jordyn smiles from ear to ear. "Oh this is so exciting, this is awesome, it'll be great, oh I should go help Abby bring her stuff in." Wow, if this is all it takes to get them this excited I have got it made, for now anyway. I remember having sleepovers with my friends when I was young, especially Amy, and we would talk forever. I just had brothers, but my girls have each other and that is so wonderful. Abby said the other day that a kid in her class was lucky because he was the only kid at his house and Jordyn said, "That would be boring", then Abby agrees and they start playing together.
I just think it is great that God lets me see that they really do love each other and having them this close together hasn't messed them up too bad, ha ha.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I am hungry, already!
It can never just be normal here, or at least it seems that way. We go from one journey to another and I am hungry on this journey. I will start by saying we have chosen this one, or it is a path we are being taken down. We are going gluten-free, for now.
Yes, I said gluten-free! When the doctor told me that Steeven could not have dairy, anything dairy, I was a little overwhelmed at first. Then I realized that out of all of the food allergies out there dairy was the easiest to deal with. Even when I was walking through the isles at Hy-Vee with the dietician she made the comment, "Well at least it is just dairy and not gluten." As I think back to that moment I now realize she has cursed us!! Just kidding.
Three out of the four of our children have some "problem" that we are dealing with. Abby has always needed a pull-up at night, Carter has been seeing a Gastroantologist for over a year and Steeven still has some diarrhea plus watery eyes and nose. A couple of weeks ago I was at our chiropractor's office and he always asks about the kids. After I ran down the list he shared something that his wife figured out for two of their children. She took her family off gluten for two weeks and both kids' symptoms were gone. I don't think they follow a strict gluten-free diet now, but maybe they watch how much they are taking in daily. Once their systems were cleaned out they can now tell how much is too much.
So, here we go on another adventure! We started yesterday, Monday, and I am already feeling hungry. Is it all in my mind? I think most of it is. Steeven doesn't know any different, he just eats whatever I give him and is happy. It's the rest of us that need help with our selfish food habits. I really think that is it. I mean really, it has only been two days and I am already thinking....when the kids go to bed I could have some of the "daycare only" food. How sad is that right? Thankfully God is telling me, "If you are making your kids do it then you must do it too!"
At the grocery store Sunday as I put all of my items on the check-out counter I had a little talk with God. It was mostly one sided until it was time to pay, then he spoke to me. It went something like this, Me "This is going to cost a lot, I only have a certain amount of money, You are leading us down this path, I am doing what is best for my family, it's very healthy, PLEASE let me have enough money!!!!!" God "The amount is_______, now you realize I have this under control right?"
He always does that! I talk, talk, talk and talk some more, just rambling really. Then he does something, usually a one liner, and makes me realize that he is it. He is part of my everyday life, good and bad.
So, we are just finishing up day two, ugh, only 12 more days to go more or less. I really hope my kids can see a difference in their bodies after this, but then the selfish part hopes we can really eat again. Just being honest! I do like certain challenges and this does qualify as just that. I haven't gotten too far into the gluten-free thing yet, since i am not sure if there will be a need to continue it long term. We'll see I guess. Wish me luck :).
Yes, I said gluten-free! When the doctor told me that Steeven could not have dairy, anything dairy, I was a little overwhelmed at first. Then I realized that out of all of the food allergies out there dairy was the easiest to deal with. Even when I was walking through the isles at Hy-Vee with the dietician she made the comment, "Well at least it is just dairy and not gluten." As I think back to that moment I now realize she has cursed us!! Just kidding.
Three out of the four of our children have some "problem" that we are dealing with. Abby has always needed a pull-up at night, Carter has been seeing a Gastroantologist for over a year and Steeven still has some diarrhea plus watery eyes and nose. A couple of weeks ago I was at our chiropractor's office and he always asks about the kids. After I ran down the list he shared something that his wife figured out for two of their children. She took her family off gluten for two weeks and both kids' symptoms were gone. I don't think they follow a strict gluten-free diet now, but maybe they watch how much they are taking in daily. Once their systems were cleaned out they can now tell how much is too much.
So, here we go on another adventure! We started yesterday, Monday, and I am already feeling hungry. Is it all in my mind? I think most of it is. Steeven doesn't know any different, he just eats whatever I give him and is happy. It's the rest of us that need help with our selfish food habits. I really think that is it. I mean really, it has only been two days and I am already thinking....when the kids go to bed I could have some of the "daycare only" food. How sad is that right? Thankfully God is telling me, "If you are making your kids do it then you must do it too!"
At the grocery store Sunday as I put all of my items on the check-out counter I had a little talk with God. It was mostly one sided until it was time to pay, then he spoke to me. It went something like this, Me "This is going to cost a lot, I only have a certain amount of money, You are leading us down this path, I am doing what is best for my family, it's very healthy, PLEASE let me have enough money!!!!!" God "The amount is_______, now you realize I have this under control right?"
He always does that! I talk, talk, talk and talk some more, just rambling really. Then he does something, usually a one liner, and makes me realize that he is it. He is part of my everyday life, good and bad.
So, we are just finishing up day two, ugh, only 12 more days to go more or less. I really hope my kids can see a difference in their bodies after this, but then the selfish part hopes we can really eat again. Just being honest! I do like certain challenges and this does qualify as just that. I haven't gotten too far into the gluten-free thing yet, since i am not sure if there will be a need to continue it long term. We'll see I guess. Wish me luck :).
Friday, April 2, 2010
Trip
We are going to West Des Moines this weekend to visit family. Mostly to see my grandpa Gail. I really can't write enough about him, he is like no other person I know. Very special man. I am, however, at this very moment realizing that when we introduce Steeven to grandpa we will not be doing the same with my dear grandma Rachel. She passed away last summer and one of the things that pained me the most is that she would never be able to get to know my new son, her new grandson.
Oh my goodness how hard this is, it really just hit me. Why does God allow this stuff to hit me when I really should be finishing up getting ready for this trip? If I don't write it down it will leave me and it needs to be expressed. I need this good cry so that, hopefully, I don't loose it in front of my grandpa. Who am I kidding, the two of us will probably loose it together. He is an emotional man, I so love that about him. Even though it makes me cry just seeing him crying, what a cycle.
My grandparents were like second parents to me, so we have a very strong emotional bond. Because I live a good distance away I don't think I have ever fully mourned the passing of my grandma. Life gets in the way and sometimes I just don't take the time, like I am now, when feelings come to deal with them. I am a stuffer! You know, when bad feelings come just stuff them down and move on. The problem with that, I am finding, is that they keep coming back, ugh!
So, this trip will be a hard one, I am just realizing. I in no way have prepared myself for this, as I was expecting just another trip.
*Side note, I have a little haitian boy yelling, "Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Batman" as he is walking around the livingroom.
I guess this snaps me back to reality and it is time for me to finish getting ready for this trip. I am glad I got this out, the tears have stopped for now. I look like a mess with swollen eyes and a red face, oh well, it's a long trip so my face will clear up before we get there!
Oh my goodness how hard this is, it really just hit me. Why does God allow this stuff to hit me when I really should be finishing up getting ready for this trip? If I don't write it down it will leave me and it needs to be expressed. I need this good cry so that, hopefully, I don't loose it in front of my grandpa. Who am I kidding, the two of us will probably loose it together. He is an emotional man, I so love that about him. Even though it makes me cry just seeing him crying, what a cycle.
My grandparents were like second parents to me, so we have a very strong emotional bond. Because I live a good distance away I don't think I have ever fully mourned the passing of my grandma. Life gets in the way and sometimes I just don't take the time, like I am now, when feelings come to deal with them. I am a stuffer! You know, when bad feelings come just stuff them down and move on. The problem with that, I am finding, is that they keep coming back, ugh!
So, this trip will be a hard one, I am just realizing. I in no way have prepared myself for this, as I was expecting just another trip.
*Side note, I have a little haitian boy yelling, "Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Batman" as he is walking around the livingroom.
I guess this snaps me back to reality and it is time for me to finish getting ready for this trip. I am glad I got this out, the tears have stopped for now. I look like a mess with swollen eyes and a red face, oh well, it's a long trip so my face will clear up before we get there!
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